How to Reduce Holiday Overwhelm and Protect Your Nervous System
For many years, about 15 actually, I’ve really struggled with the holidays. There is so much that has gone into that feeling. The holidays were pretty magical to me growing up. My mom and I traveled often, and there was always this sense of excitement. So my struggle as an adult wasn’t connected to childhood experiences, although I know it is for many.
What I didn’t realize for a long time was that my body and nervous system were reacting to something deeper than holiday stress. I was bumping up against the energy of a season that wasn’t aligned with how we’re actually built to live.
If this resonates, you might also like my post on letting go of holiday stress and expectations, where I walk through a similar shift in perspective.
Some of this is the incongruence with the energy of the season itself. Historically, winter has been a time of rest and renewal. It’s the season when our ancestors did the minimum. They spent time indoors as a family. They took care of the animals while the earth and crops slept. They went to bed and rose with the sun, getting more rest this time of year. And winter opened the door to reflection…connecting with priorities, feeling the love, fear, and loss that came with the cold and the dark.
It was such a different rhythm from what we experience now. Today, we typically work the same number of hours as we do in every other season. We get caught up in the lack mentality so expertly crafted through advertisements. We succumb to family expectations regardless of whether the dynamics are healthy or not.
The hustle and bustle of the holidays is relatively new….and it seems to grow in intensity every year. It stresses out our nervous system, pushes us into a sense of lack, and makes those of us who don’t feel the “Christmas spirit” wonder what’s wrong with us. To some, this season is deeply religious. To others, it’s spiritual sandpaper.
For me, it’s been all of the above. The internal longing for a slower pace while being in attendance for all the holiday parties. OMG…the many, many holiday parties! It’s been the single mom trying to recreate the same magical season my mom provided, while feeling like I was failing. It was navigating my own internal sadness….being surrounded by people and feeling completely alone.
These were not traditions I valued or wanted to pass on to my sons. Yet how do you break something that’s so embedded in our culture and extended family?
If you’ve ever felt yourself outgrowing old roles or expectations, my post on grieving old versions of yourself goes deeper into that transition.
Every December, I felt myself slide into what I called my “Grinch self” but if I’m honest, it was a version of me I didn’t like. Irritable. Overwhelmed. Quick to snap. I did my best to steer clear of others, to not unleash the Hounds of Hell on the unsuspecting. And I felt myself becoming more and more resentful of the entire season.
Now, I’m not requiring myself to suddenly love the holidays. But I recognize that this is not the energy I want to hold every year. And this year, I’m choosing differently…and I’ve already noticed a shift.
This year, I’ve focused on release. I’m letting go of the need to love or hate the holidays. They just are. People are celebrating, and people aren’t. People are doing all the Christmas things, and people aren’t. There is no moral scorecard attached to any of it.
Neutrality has given me more peace than forced positivity ever has.
So I’m just letting it be. I’m not feeding the anger that lives within. I’m not feeding the “shoulds” that linger. I’m putting my nervous system on the priority list and allowing.
The season will come and go just like it always does.
But this year, I’m choosing not to carry the emotional weight of it. I’m committed to saying yes to very little, and only to the events that genuinely feel like fun. I’m opting out of the obligatory gatherings and not welcoming the familiar guilt or fear of disappointing others.
And this year already feels better.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that much of what we feel during the holidays isn’t even ours.
If you’re an empath like me, you might relate to taking on the emotions of others. You may feel the stress of your family and friends, the tension of your neighbors, the disappointment of your parents when you tell them you can’t travel this year. You feel it all. You also feel the hype. You feel the energy of those who live for this season. You feel those who go big or go home.
I talk more about absorbing emotions and quiet power in my post When No One Listens: The Pain of Not Being Heard. It’s all connected.
Internally, that creates a push-and-pull…like your emotional center can’t decide which direction to lean. Do I love this? Do I hate it? Your answer shifts based on who you’re around and how they feel. And honestly…it’s exhausting.
We ride the highs and lows of others, and during the holidays, the volume is turned all the way up.
The antidote becomes giving yourself space. Not out of rage or rebellion, but out of genuine self-care. It’s saying yes to what feels lighthearted….with permission to change your mind later. It’s saying, “Let me think about it and get back to you,” without apology. That sentence is a complete, guilt-free answer.
These shifts have helped me immensely already. I’m so thankful I’m not carrying all the chaos and anger this year. I’m feeling less volatile. Less hostile. And honestly…it feels so much better.
Sometimes doing the work doesn’t mean learning to love something that every cell in your body rejects. Sometimes it simply means choosing not to battle it anymore.
If this resonates, I created the Nervous System Reset Kit. It’s available now if you feel like you could use some healing and support through the holidays.